My message this week is a pretty simple one – yet extremely powerful if you take it to heart and use it!
But before I begin, I want to make sure you know about the complimentary educational call I’m hosting this Monday night at 7:30 pm – to which you are cordially invited! It’s called “Fine to Phenomenal: Learning to Take as Good Care of Yourself as You Do of Others in Your Life.”
It’s a call for anyone who finds themselves in a caregiver role at times, whether personally or professionally, full time or part time. A role that many middle-aged adults find themselves in these days! I created this call to help people avoid burnout – a tremendous risk caregivers face. A commitment to care for others shouldn’t bankrupt your own health or happiness!
In this new teleseminar I’ll be sharing ideas to help you get out of the rut of feeling “just ok” most of the time, and instead create and maintain a state of feeling phenomenal. Sound impossible? Well, click HERE to register and find out why it’s actually very doable! (There’s a replay available if you can’t make it Monday night, so register for that if it works better for you time-wise.)
The call topic of Monday’s teleseminar is actually quite related to that of today’s article (and this month’s theme) of “Resilience” (coincidence? I think not!). They both involve a conscious decision to manage your response to how life comes at you. No more being buffeted about emotionally, like a small boat caught in a big storm – YOU CAN take the oars and steer your experience of whatever occurs in your life.
When the topic of resilience comes up, I often hear people say “yeah, I need to be more resilient, but I just can’t ___ [fill in the blank, often with something like “find the energy / hope / faith / support system / any good reason to stay positive sometimes….”
It’s understandable that you may sometimes feel that life is getting you down – and blame yourself for not being more stoic, unflappable or just plain TOUGH. It’s part of our cultural psyche here in the United States to be a “rugged individualist” who can handle ANYTHING (picture a woman in war garb, with a sword – a la the Valkyries!).
But the truth is, especially if we’re also mentally overstimulated with too many commitments, physically fatigued, spiritually malnourished and/or nutritionally depleted.
Let me start by putting an idea out there that may surprise you:
–> You have NO IDEA just how resilient you REALLY ARE!
I bold-faced those words on purpose, because I want to draw your attention to them and keep it there. How do I know you’re resilient? Because you are reading this right now. Don’t undervalue what it has taken you to navigate your life’s journey to this point – it’s not a job for wimps!! I don’t need to know your particular life story to make that claim, because life is extremely challenging for all but a tiny minority of us – and I haven’t met many of those lucky few!
And why do I think you don’t know that you’re so resilient? Because I’m guessing that like most people – again, except for a tiny minority of naturally buoyantly positive people – you give in to the easy temptation to focus on what’s wrong and what’s not working most of the time. So you have been hard at work creating a feeling that you’re not really being a champion in your own life.
Am I right??
Well, don’t beat yourself about that too! Just memorize the following “5 Steps to Rocking Your Resilience Mojo” – then make a promise to yourself to use them any time you start feeling like you just can’t rally yourself to feel GREAT and persevere through your daily grind with gusto:
- Don’t try to talk yourself out of feeling bad. Instead, give the feelings, and all the reasons, justifications, blame, etc. a voice. Remember I told you that voicing your self-limiting beliefs will not reinforce them, but rather give you a path to releasing them? This is like that!
- Give yourself a time limit – literally! As funny (I like to think “playful”) as it may seem, you can actually say out loud, “OK, I’m giving myself 10 minutes to feel REALLY REALLY bad/sad/mad about this, and then I’m moving on with my day!” You may be surprised how many times you completely forget to dwell on the emotion, once you’ve given yourself permission to feel it. You’ll start thinking about your project, or what you need at the store, or looking forward to seeing a friend later…. Your brain will just get bored with the “assignment” you’ve given it, since it doesn’t want to “have to” do it, and it will move on to the next agenda item of its own accord. You’re welcome!
- Think of 5 statements that are the opposite of what’s “really” happening. Don’t worry if they’re “true” – the whole point is to replace the disempowering version of the “truth” that’s causing you distress. Make them short, encouraging and emphatic, such as “I can EASILY manage all of the responsibilities I have on my plate!” (Sometimes it’s important to “fake it til you make it…)
- Tell yourself emphatically, “I DESERVE to feel good right now!” Make additional self-appreciative declarations, like “I AM AWESOME!” [or your even more inspiring adjective of choice], and “I get BETTER and BETTER at everything I do, every day.” Keep choosing declarations that motivate you the most.
- Declare, also out loud, that “This situation has NO POWER OVER ME. Substitute the appropriate target: person/situation/concern/commitment, etc. The more you try to stop me, the STRONGER I CHOOSE to feel!”
That’s all it takes to REMIND yourself – and FEEL – how resilient you really are. Now go out there and use your new-found power to bounce back from whatever pop quizzes come your way!
And of course, remember to BREATHE!!