Ever heard this famous quote from Henry Ford?
“Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re right.”
It’s true! This saying captures perfectly the importance of trusting ourselves. We can’t trust anyone else if we don’t trust ourselves first.
So how do we get to a place where we “believe we can”? How do we replace our daily fears – about measuring up, or maintaining our boundaries, or being able to cope – with a consistent feeling of self-trust?
What we fear we make bigger and more powerful, so to let go of fear we need to replace it with trust that’s bigger and stronger than the fear. The first thing to realize is that it’s the feeling of fear that gets in our way, not the object, person or situation that’s causing us to feel fearful.
And the great news is, dealing with feelings is completely within our power.
So here’s a 5 Step Process for quickly creating a powerful sense of self-trust whenever fear comes up:
- The first thing you need to do is to sit with these negative, fearful feelings, and take a deep, loving breath – in through your nose, then exhaling slowly through your mouth.
- Sit quietly, continue breathing, and “stare into the eyes” of your fears. Allow understanding and compassion to flow through you.
- Acknowledge your fears for working so hard to keep you safe – thank them for sharing their warnings, and tell them that:
- you can see the situation clearly, that
- everything is going to be all right, that
- you’ll handle it from here, and that
- they can go now.
- .Breathe slowly and deeply, and just sit. Visualize yourself fully in command in the face of your old fears, with a sense of complete relaxation and confidence. Watch the fears disintegrating into thin air.
- Tell yourself that YOU TRUST that you can cope with these feelings differently than you have in the past. Trust that you, as an adult, can make new choices to handle your feelings with love, respect and compassion.
Repeat this process as often as you need to, knowing that you’re creating a whole new way of looking at your world. These feelings have been with you a long time and won’t necessarily “go quietly into that good night” just because you ask them to once. Remember that you have believed that these fears were necessary for your survival, and learning now that they are not will take some time as well.
Recognize that today you are moving into a new feeling of TRUST. Just as fear is the “negative extreme” at one end of the spectrum, trust is the “positive extreme” at the other end.
As a quick “mantra” when feelings of fear come up suddenly, or threaten to take over when you want to stay strong, repeat the following to yourself three times each (out loud if possible!):
“I trust in my ability to cope, and I trust that I can cope with my fear, and be in charge of it, instead of it in charge of me.”
“If I need help to handle this problem, dilemma, issue, etc, I trust that I am secure enough to seek the help I need!”
Identifying and working through your fears is an ongoing process, and I understand that while the concepts may sound simple, the process is not easy. Once again, remember The 3 P’s: Patience, Practice and Perseverance. And ALWAYS treat yourself with love, respect and compassion, because who you are is enough, and you deserve to be treated as such, especially by yourself!
Your journey to wholeness is filled with challenges, and when you handle yourself with the love and respect you deserve, the challenges will help you learn and grow, not wear you down.
Please Note: If your fears are so stubborn that the above process doesn’t help, or they are so debilitating that you can’t do the things you need to do in your life, reach out to Take Back Your Life Don’t struggle by yourself, when help is available that could start making a difference for you TODAY!